If You Think The Drone Caused A Stir Wait ‘Til You See The Sex Robot

Just when the FAA thought it had everything figured out someone invented the semi-autonomous drone. Now we have things dropping packages

in your yard and buzzing the White House. Federal agencies are scrambling to rewrite the rule book for things that fly. That’s how it is with new technology. Every new gadget brings new problems. The scary thing is, there is more stuff than ever in the pipeline. For example, it can’t be long before someone invents a sex robot. Put that in your garden of earthly delights.

The Japanese seem to have a head start on this kind of thing. I doubt I will still be around when the first Maiko Itai and Mukai Osamu Sekkusurobotto hit the shelves, but you will. No doubt, the FCC, FBI and NSA will be all over it.

These will not be passive objects like the old inflatables. Dolls that could walk and talk have been around forever. The new sex-bots won’t even need you to pull their strings. They will be full-functioning participants, able to stare up past your ear and remind you that checkout is at 11.

There will be fetish-bots and S&M-atrons for you to tie up and tickle — and vice-versa. imagine the headlines when someone turns the aggression setting too high and gets snuffed by his Mistress Beatrice-bot.

Sex-bots will be expected to have human traits. They will be hes and shes — not its. They will have a degree of individuality or the whole purpose will be defeated. They might be argumentative or moody. Picture that moment when you get a little randy with your bot and she turns you down.

I wonder how kids will react. I mean, when I was 10 I had a thing for Bridgette Bardot. I shudder to think what I would have done with a Bardot-bot. And don’t think you can keep anything out of the hands of kids. I remember some boys who got hold of some dynamite. They set it off in an oil drum hung from a tree branch and made all the cows go dry.

I can see how bots could ruin marriages, or maybe even save them. It depends on the capacity of a machine to inspire jealousy. I know a guy whose wife was jealous of his motorcycle. She went out and got one of her own.

It’s certain there is demand, and whoever invents the thing will become rich. When it comes it may end sexual frustration forever. Sexual frustration has generated half the drama of the human experience since homo erectus. People will wander a post-neurotic world with dazed, complacent expressions. Men will become bored with bordellos. Women will desert dating sites.

I end with a limerick you also may remember. A genius whose name was Eugene invented a coitus machine. Concave and convex, it would serve either sex, but oh what a nightmare to clean.